


To Look Forwards.

by Hexworthy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, all the others are mentioned in passing, angst resolution, for the love of blue big bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-13 05:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17482241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: Lance, in his final year of uni, is stuck in a rut. Just going through the motions, until a tag meme arrives in his life. Who was he to know just how much of a good thing it would be?





	1. How Lance Falls

**Author's Note:**

> For the Love of Blue Big Bang, with art by the AMAZING [Noristar!!!!!!! THEY'RE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEIR ART SO MUCH](noristar.tumblr.com)
> 
> Also beta'd by Dragon mother herself! <3

GreatHolyZarquon posted

Why does life always give me shit? I tried. I just? I just want to be happy for more than two days…

_# Sad tay, #Tailor speaks, #why do I even bother, not as if anyone sees this. Who am i kidding., ugh why am i like this?_

Lance knew better than to post something like this, even though no one ever read it or said anything. No one messaged him nor did anyone pay much attention to his online presence. He was lucky if someone reblogged anything. So he kept scrolling and reblogging some of the stuff that amused him. Going back to uni was always hard, he had spent so much time with his family but it was bittersweet. He followed Veronica’s footsteps by going into astrophysics. But not quite, he fell short. He always fell short. 

He kept scrolling as he took the bus to work. He kept scrolling while waiting for his shift to start. Despite his username, there wasn’t a lot of Hitchhikers content being produced anymore. So he posted what amused him, in this case some truly heinous science puns, a couple of video that made him softly laugh and _that_ post. 

Five hours in retail on a sunday evening was hell. It was the graveyard shift, with a slow dribble of people. Pidge wasn't there either as she still had holiday leave. He sighed as he sat hunched over the small checkout. The five to ten shift on a Sunday evening really was the worst time to reflect, at least he wasn't on customer services. Ughh. He had the late shifts most nights, and though his regulars were always up for a laugh, Sundays and Tuesdays always dragged. 

To make matters worse, his break went by too quickly. Douglas Adams was right, time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. Lance took out some of his revision notes he kept in his pocket when he returned to the tiny till. It was mostly equations and summarised phrases, plus there were no managers or customers to notice. It passed the time and any extra time to revise was helpful. 

It had to be his luck that it got busy. Lance was the only person on for the night and the self scan was swamped too. He felt like dying on the inside. He was running over time and he might not even get paid for it either. Just what he needed. One week wasn't enough of a holiday, especially when home was Cuba, he just wanted a break. 

Just one more semester of hell then he could graduate with honours. One perk of staying behind during the majority of winter break was the extra help he had gotten on his thesis, more access to books, more time at the observatory all that jazz. 

 

To say Lance was glad when he was able to close down, and escape back to the relative safety of the locker room, was an understatement. He was bored shitless by the end of it. So. Damn. Bored. Lance grabbed his bag and coat from the floor and headed out. He knew he had missed the bus and had an hours wait for the last bus. Lance sighed and went back into the store to get some chocolate. He paid and trudged back through the cold bitter night, the only warmth coming from the body heat his jacket kept in.

He sat on the small cold plastic bar in the bus stop and waited. One of the neighbourhood cats slinked between his legs then jumped up on his lap. He gave her a stroke and felt slightly better. Cats were good and he couldn’t wait to see his favourite girl when he finally got home. Even if he may be smothered by fur in the morning. Saffie was worth it all in all. 

The bus finally rumbled in and mercifully, there was no one on it. He sat in his usual sport and didn't care that it was going to the hospital five minutes down the road, just to come back again, the warmth was better than the biting wind and the frost. He pulled out his ipod and settled on shuffling through Marina and the Diamonds, it had been that kind of a day. Lance checked his phone, knowing his fingers wouldn't freeze off, knowing that there wouldn't be anything for him except the endless screaming into an inescapable void

MarvinsLeftDiodes tagged you in a post. 

Wow, he hadn’t expected anything like that? It was probably something stupid but his curiosity won out. 

 

MarvinsLeftDiodes posted 

**get to know me meme**  
1 - name/nickname - nickname is based on my actual name so nope.  
2 - age - just turned 25.  
3 - favourite series - isn't it obvious? Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy  
4 - favourite animal - anything really not fussed. But anything fluffy is good.  
5 - favourite myth - Atlas, because that's how life feels like a lot of the time. Aaaand I'll stop there before it gets too deep.  
6 - what country do you live in? I'm in Europe? Lived all over but currently in Europe.  
7 - where would you like to go in the world - Scotland, hands down.  
8 - how do you take your tea - black. And whoever puts the milk in first is a H E A T H E N @realredcat  
9 - Fave artist - don't really have one?  
10 - Greatest wish - to finally get off of this hellsite. I'VE SEEN IT ALL. 

I got told to tag the first ten people in my notifications but three are the ones that tagged me and the rest is the same person so hey @GreatHolyZarquon have fun and congrats on stealing the username i originally wanted! 

_#how dare they steal my username, #i mean probs didn't but still whyyyy, #they have taste tho_

Lance looked at the post. He hadn't realised that he reblogged a lot of this person’s stuff. He felt nervous but he liked the questions and it made him smile a bit. He knew no one would actually read it so what was the harm? He didn't have to say anything personal right? Copy past, edit and post. How hard could it be? 

Hard because some he didn't know what to say… 

**get to know me meme**

I was tagged by @MarvinsLeftDiodes , who btw has a very good username. 

1 - name/nickname - Tailor, because of how I thread the needle.  
2 - age - 22. Just floating around still.  
3 - favourite series - Hitchhikers, though there's not enough content on here that I haven't seen a million times.  
4 - favourite animal - Cats, hands down.  
5 - favourite myth - Icarus. Its sad but describes my life rn. I flew too high and look where i am.  
6 - what country do you live in? Depends on when whether or not Im in Uni.  
7 - where would you like to go in the world - Home, even if I'm not the best, its home.  
8 - how do you take your tea - black with sugar. Herbal teas are good too.  
9 - Fave artist - Marina and The Diamonds.  
10 - Greatest wish - to be happy…. 

I don't really have anyone to tag? So go ahead if you want

 _#no ones gonna but still, #might as well,_

He opened up MarvinsLeftDiodes’ page and clicked on the little message button. He had to smile at the tagline though, ‘ A guy who always knows where his towel is.’

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Hey I um, thanks for tagging me in that meme thing? Though I’m sorry to have blown up your notifications.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** I should have sent this as an ask im so sorry, I won't message again.. 

He locked the phone and the five minute walk home felt too long. He unlocked the door, slipped in and allowed the lock to catch. He crashed on his bed ignoring that he was still in his work uniform and barely registered Saffie climbing on his chest as he slept. 

The morning came too early, especially as Monday mornings came with the promise of a nine am lecture and a half day of lectures, labs and library study as well as training. He grabbed a piece of fruit as got ready and sat down properly for the half an hour he had before he left. Lance looked down at his phone and saw a message and follower notifications. Then he remembered.

He had sent that message. He hoped that whoever MarvinsLeftDiodes was, would at least be kind in their rejection. 

MarvinsLeftDiodes started to follow you.

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Hey don't sweat it! You're a fellow hitchhiker! And you're welcome, I’m glad i could help in some way :)  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** thooooough I may not be forgiving you anytime soon for that username! I had wanted it! So Marvins Left Diodes it was.  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** I know you said you were currently in europe, so hope you have a good morning, even if you sent that message that late at night :)

Lance looked at those innocent three messages. The person at the other end replied? Then he made a stupid decision, a truly stupid one. Maybe he did it because he was so bone crushingly lonely and devoid of friendships, or because he was suffering sleep deprivation, Lance replied back. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** I've been on this hellsite for too long too, I just managed to nab it, I’m sorry? And yay Europe peeps! And it's a 9 am lecture. Perks of uni right?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Uni? Damn, what were you doing out on a Sunday night? Oh god, you're not underage are you? 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Nah, I’m 22 , and doing my last year of my masters, and I was at work. The joys of retail(!)

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Thank god, I didn’t want to cause anything, And i feel the pain in retail, I have Christmas horror stories from when I lived in the US for a while. Europe is so much better in comparison.  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** What are you studying?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Ugh customers. And it's Astrophysics. I may not be much good but I try

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Hey! I bet you’re better than you give yourself credit for! I can only do basic engineering as I used to be a pilot, but damn I could never explain any of the space stuff. 

Lance had to laugh a bit, but was also in awe, this guy used to be a pilot?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** daaaamn i bet that would have been amazing, flying is just wow. I never seem to get used to the feeling of flying when i go home. I wanted to be a pilot but alas, it wasn't meant to be. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** You’ll do it. Life has setbacks but we get there. Anyway isn't all fun and games. Aren't you meant to be going off to lectures or smth?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Shit

Lance grabbed his bag and legged it out the flat. He liked his building but damn, the fourth floor was such a fun place to be. The stairs that lead to the door were a killer at best - the stone was hard on his feet as he ran down the steps and out the main door, the beeping it made irritating him as the quiet thrum of traffic came from the street. 

The bus ride and five-minute walk didn't take all that long and he sat outside the lecture theatre, waiting for the other class in there to leave. It was an electronics module and Lance couldn't be arsed with it. It was clear that the lecturer did indeed know his shit, but the larger class of engineering students plus those who took physics made it hard to fully explain. So in true traditional style, most of them were on their phones. Lance really did try though, he did, but they reached a subject he knew and switched off. 

He felt his phone vibrate and he took it out under the desk, making the occasional note, knowing that it would be useful later. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Hahah :) have fun?  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Having fun?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** The highlights of today's lecture. Why does the diode follow after the capacitor?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Should I be worried?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Yes,

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Ok hit me 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Because he couldn't resistor! 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** ………..  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** ……………………  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** ……………………… why.

 **GreatHolyZarquon** If I suffered so do you. Sharing is caring

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Isn't that meant to be for cakes, happiness, laughter?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Yeah but where's the fun in that? Like ya know, colds, awful puns, THE PLAGUE. Sharing IS caring. If I’m going down, I’m bring as many people as I can with me. ;)

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Hahaha true true. Awful puns must be shared!

 **GreatHolyZarquon** They don't get better? Anyway don't you have work to be doing or something?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Omg you're gonna kill me. And not today - I have a hospital visit. It's a long story just a check up, nothing serious and a clean bill of health. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** That's good, I’m glad you’re ok. Also. Why is my lecturer a great one on one but sucks in anything more than 10 people??!! I'M SO BOOOOOOOOORED. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** How bad?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Why don't atheists use exponential functions? 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Maths puns. Oh dear. Why?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** ……  
**GreatHolyZarquon** ............  
**GreatHolyZarquon** …………… because they don't believe in higher POWERS :’D :’dd 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** I don't know what I was expecting  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** that was awful  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Can I spread the misery?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** PLEASE!!

Lance looked up to the board to see where they were in the lecture and scribbled some notes down, but he couldn’t hide the smile that was on his face. The proof of some super magnetic flux shit be damned. 

Maybe five, ten minutes later, his phone buzzed.

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** I am proud to say I have had a fair few angry key smashes. Thanks!

Lance laughed quietly and locked his screen and turned back to the lecture. He probably should as he knew the lecturer put a lot of theory in his exams, not just the equation problems. Many had learnt from that mistake in his second year. Lance had at one point camped outside his office to get some help. Ever since then, he had been able to go to the lecturer for help and was safe to say he had passed with flying colours that year. 

When the lecture ended he filed out the room eager to open up the chat again. He couldn't figure why he felt so excited about the chat. It was a couple of messages sure but there was something about the person on the other end that was irresistible already. Lance knew to be careful, but it didn't stop a feeling of something flare up. 

It felt like hope. 

He had a routine, go to uni, take notes, ask questions and work on projects. Then stopping in the library by himself plowing into some revision. His life seemed to be midterms, finals, lectures and projects; with any spare time taken up by studying and playing water polo. But chatting to MarvinsLeftDiodes was new it was a change it was making him happy. Even if it was a fleeting conversation it was something. It was something he could cling on to till better things came. He was in a rut sure but, maybe, this was the metaphorical ladder to haul himself out with. 

It wasn't a surprise that when water polo practice came that he was more determined and more focused. He felt something reawaken. Something that had got lost somewhere. Maybe it was when his friends spent less time with them and more with others, leaving him feeling excluded and unneeded. He tried to be happy for his friends and tried to work through his feelings but there was that voice saying that he was unwanted. He had been to therapy before and knew to ignore it with methods on how to. But some days it was never enough. There was always an off day.

He revealed in the way the water parted as he swam through it, the thrill of the game when he had finished running the drills. He remembered why he was the team captain. He felt alive once again. Lance didn't want this surge of life to end, even if the season would be coming to an end in a couple of months. It was some of his last chance’s to feel the buzz, to feel the hype and why he loved playing again. 

However, the game hasn't stopped and his mind was running with tactics and the game. He laughed with his teammates and he couldn't help but smile as they put away the equipment. There were jokes shared whilst in the showers and he found a little message on his notification screen. 

**MartinsLeftDiodes** sent a post  
**MartinsLeftDiodes** sent a post  
**MartinsLeftDiodes** sent a post  
**MartinsLeftDiodes** sorry I’ll stop if I’m annoying you. I just like talking to you, even after a few messages. 

Lance felt his heart melt, he really enjoyed talking to them too, he wanted to know more, even maybe be friends if they could. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** NO PLEASE! 

God that sounded desperate and decided to reply swiftly. But not before he showed his team why he was crying with laughter.

 **GreatHolyZarquon** I like talking too! You made me laugh more in the space of a day than in the last few months! Also that Sauron post you sent? I just finished practise so I check my phone, get that plus some weird looks about why I can’t breathe!!  
**GreatHolyZarquon** I can't just answer that somebody sent me a thing without sharing it with the team like. Imagine like a fair few muscled tall people then me - a tall lanky beanpole - losing it over some tumblr post.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** and all of us losing it. Istg. there are TEARS  
**GreatHolyZarquon** now there's someone on the floor. THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED  
**GreatHolyZarquon** Ok so it's gonna sound weird, but, is it ok if I send stuff and well, talk? I have loved talking to you today and well, I’d love to get to know you. Its ok if you don't, I just um well yeah 

He locked his phone as they went to their teams sponsor pub, he felt like his mind was racing so fast and it felt like the start of something new, something good. 

In the pub he was laughing his head off as the general shenanigans of his teammates. They were getting on the tipsy side and they started to head home, Lance had not drank that night - preferring to watch and laugh at his teammates’ expense - so he couldn't explain away the blush that arose when he saw his phone. 

The people that saw it thought he had been sent a dick pic or something of the like. But in reality, it was a small innocent message.

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** I would like to talk too, I don't think I’ve looked forward to receiving a message so much. 

Lance’s heart hurt, he knew that feeling. Of not knowing if he would even get a message or acknowledgement that day because someone wanted to talk. He loved Hunk and Pidge but he felt like they were drifting naturally, despite the shared classes and time meeting up. They were moving on and he wasn't moving fast enough to keep up. They weren't mean per se but they didn't really ask about him much either. Allura was a friend now and more like a sister and his own family was the other side of the world. It was getting hard to not feel more alone each day. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** sent a gif  
**GreatHolyZarquon** sent a gif  
**GreatHolyZarquon** sent a gif

Lance couldn't hide the smile when his phone buzzed throughout the night as they chatted about meaningless things but more importantly found they were in the same time zone. He lived in a studio apartment and Lance was glad to know that no one was watching him smile. That was reserved for special moments, for special people and in all honesty, his phone. The messages they sent were curious. Lance learnt that Shiro was down for really, really bad puns but also cared deeply for those around him. He had lost an arm in an accident and had an experimental prosthetic, hence the regular hospital visits. That Shiro owned a small book shop with a cafe. Lance explained how he was the captain of his Uni’s Water Polo team and the general mischief they got up to. That Lance adored Saffie for than anything in his life currently and that above all he cherished his friendships and familial ties.

 **GreatHolyZarquon** So then, this person literally breaches like a damn whale trying to get the ball but utterly failing bc he forgot that I no longer had the ball!!! 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Ok...Thats sounds fake but ok…

 **GreatHolyZarquon** REALLY IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** ppbtbthhttht  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** sent a post  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** sent a post

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Ok so I need sleep its 1 am!! I know i have a 10 am lecturer its maths. Ask me about complex shit yes, can do. 2+2? HELL FUCK NO

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** I have work in the morning too, I like it though. The book shop won’t open itself, especially with my friend out of town and tea shop needs restocking. So yeah, sleep is a good idea. Sleep well :)

Lance saw the smile emoji and felt that maybe messaging this person was the best thing. It was safe to say that he would want to keep this going. The voice in the back of his head was telling him he would only mess it up. He tried to ignore it but he wanted so much to let this to be a friendship. Maybe something more?

 

 

Lance had been messaging his new friend for a while now, and it was safe to say they were well on their way to being good friends, even one of his best friends. He had been able to say stuff to this person on the other end that he just couldn't to his friends in real life. Though he couldn't keep calling the person MLD. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Hey, I’ve just realised, I don't actually know what to call you - I've been calling you MLD in my head. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** I've just been calling you by your username so its chill. I’m Shiro, admittedly it's a nickname on my full name soo. Yeah. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Ngl it's shorter than MLD. I’m Lance. I’ve probably heard all the puns about that so fire away while you still have the chance!

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** I guess.

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Hey you ok?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Yeah? No? I don't know, just stressed out and stuff. Life got in the way I guess. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** It does that. What helps you get out of funks?

Lance had really started to care for MLD, no, Shiro - it felt weird to get a real name to this person but it felt good, right even - and knew sometimes all that was needed was a distraction. After working in Retail for too many years during uni, he had this down to a tee. It was easy to start conversations with people when they started to talk to you first. Maybe it would work for Shiro

 **GreatHolyZarquon** So quick question. Water, or Mountain. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** What? Um. Mountain I guess. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** THE SHAAAAAAMME. Water is the obvious correct answer?! 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** How? Mountains have water on them? 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Water is the true winner you're just in the denial phase, soon acceptance will arrive.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** Your turn for a question

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Is this some form of 20 questions? Um… Weirdest place you've ever eaten?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Ok so I have siblings so I take them loads of places when I see them. They are sooooo full of energy right?  
**GreatHolyZarquon** So I take them on a walk around the place when the fam came to visit  
**GreatHolyZarquon** except they decide that they want to eat.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** on a hill  
**GreatHolyZarquon** surrounded by sheep

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Oh no… Lance no… NOOOO

 **GreatHolyZarquon** YES. Tio Lance gets chased by an entire flock because one sheep was more daring than the rest and because one sheep ran THEY ALL DID. My niece and nephew were laughing it up on a rock  
**GreatHolyZarquon** sent a photo  
**GreatHolyZarquon** sent a photo  
sent a photo

Watching the photos load, Lance hoped Shiro would smile, it's what he wanted. He was fast calling this person his friend, Shiro sounded like he needed to be cheered up and damn if it meant telling some of his funniest yet most embarrassing stories then so be it. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** That  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Just wow.  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** That is a thing. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** It is - if you can’t tell I’m the dude running for his life  
**GreatHolyZarquon** OK my turn, Would you rather be stuck in a comic book superhero world without insurance of ‘SUPERHERO DAMAGE’ or this world but superheroes exist but are utterly useless?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** I’m also a guy, and this world because at least our problems are somewhat fixable. Having the joker and some of the worse villains destroying stuff without insurance would honestly be hell. Also, there would probably be my friend dressing up as a moth calling himself mothman and trying to invoke Mothman's rage to prove it. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** I wasn't expecting that

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** My turn, and this is a deal breaker. Does Mothman exist.

Lance looked at his screen and he knew the answer but he felt something behind this and his curiosity was piqued. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** No? Why? And yes that is my question

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** My best friend is a conspiracy theorist. He’s like a brother to me but DAMN I NEED TO LET THIS OUT BUT CRYPTIDS DON'T EXIST ESPECIALLY MOTHMAN

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Got it out of your system yet?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** OH HELL FUCK NO!! 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Shiro? This is the first time i've seen you swear? You ok?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Sent a photo  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Look what I had to suffer  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** And yes I went there 

Lance couldn't help but laugh. In the old photo, there were two kids, an 10 year old and a grumpy teenager. The smaller of the two had fluffy antennas attached to a headband that kept longish hair off his face and comically large, bulbous red glasses. There were wings attached to the arms and back. The kid seemed to be yelling at the teen, who was a lightbulb. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Are you the lightbulb by some chance?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Actually sighing rn it's my greatest shame  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Yes. It is me.  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** The little shit is my best friend, @realredcat

 **GreatHolyZarquon** I’m sorry this is the best thing I’ve ever seen like omg just wow. Aaaaaand you're naming and shaming.

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Yes I am and he deserves it. Lil shit, I love him but I’ll never forgive him for that. My turn again right?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Ye

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** What disney song do you sing the most?

 **GreatHolyZarquon** WHY? THAT IS TRULY EVIL I TRUSTED YOU!!  
**GreatHolyZarquon** Dios, WHY um I er  
**GreatHolyZarquon** all of them? Except frozen. Just no please no

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** If you saaay sooo ~~~

 **GreatHolyZarquon** I hate you

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** Naahh, You don't  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** sent a gif

 

Lance looked this and honestly didn't know what to say. True they had been messaging day in, day out and they were becoming good friends. He felt something. Maybe it was an extended distance from friends. Or the fact that someone was talking to him and he was just starved of positive attention, but he definitely felt something stir. He couldn't help the warm feeling at every buzz of his phone. The way they had just clicked. The way Shiro had slipped into his life as if he had always been there, even if he had just learnt his name. He had seen a snapshot of his life that clearly meant a lot despite the grumpy face in the photo. 

Lance felt something pull his heartstrings and make his smile more brighter, more real. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** You feeling better?

 **MarvinsLeftDiodes** I guess, life got in the way…  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** Wait….  
**MarvinsLeftDiodes** You did that on purpose!!

 **GreatHolyZarquon** Guilty as charged, you sounded like you needed a distraction. You're my friend right?

Ugh, way to go Lance. Just jump head first into this, he thought bitterly to himself. How to Lose Friends and Scare People Away in Five Easy Steps, a memoir by Lance Serrano. He didn't know why the pit in his stomach deepened. He knew he would have to talk this out with someone. This isn't healthy. He needed to get that help, it was going to make things worse if he didn’t go back to his old therapist. That was a matter for future Lance, present Lance had to deal with the buzz his phone made. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** We are :D Thanks, I had a panic attack like I’m used to them but this left me drained. You helped a lot. Thank you Lance :D

 

Lance really, really was too weak. A couple of smiley emojis and he was out for the count. He was able to recognise the feeling it was longing. Shit, he wasn't going to ruin it by catching feelings and he squashed that feeling as far down as he could. 

**GreatHolyZarquon** Anytime.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** Wanna carry on with the questions.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** also, if you need something to laugh at still here’s something us in scotland can relate to!! https://www.youtu be.com/watch?v=_phAArdrn-s 

Feelings aside, Shiro was a welcome break from his day to day studying. 

**MarvinsLeftDiodes** You bet ;)

Lance didn't realise the time slip away when messaging whilst revising, he didn't even realise how relaxed he was while revising. Shiro knew he was studying and didn't expect immediate replies and it was nice, and he definitely didn’t admit to binging all of Foil, Arms and Hog. It was something he hadn't had in ages, a sense that something was going right, that he had found someone he connected to on a level he hadn’t ever before. Hope.

 

 

Lance and Shiro continued to talk. Somehow they became friends but it didn't stop Lance’s heart from flipping. He could stop a smile from appearing when Shiro’s username flashed up on his phone. Or the small feelings that were growing. They had exchanged photos of each other and, well Shiro was definitely his type - strong and kind but no inflated ego - but his personality was a whole ‘nother matter. 

“Whose got you all happy?” Allura asked as they sat together during their break. It was a long day and damn, Lance was always down for spilling tea. Of any kind. 

“So. I started talking to a guy and I think I’m starting to actually like, _like_ , him.”

Allura nearly dropped her mug, Lance had not exactly dated or anything since they tried and realised they fit better as besties. Lance loved Allura with all his heart, but not in that way. Shiro, however, was a different matter. Lance knew he was easy to talk to and like initially but hard to love and stay with. 

“I need this tea. Spill. You can't say that and say nothing about it! How long? What's his name? DOES HE MEME” She asked desperately, Lance was glad it was just the two of them in the evening, nothing was going to stop her until she knew every last juicy detail. 

“So, he tagged me in something, like it was a bad day and I thanked him and we haven't stopped talking?” 

“Lance? Do I need to give you a safety lecture?” And there was _that_ look on top.

“No!! We sent images confirming we are real and stuff, just? I don't know, he’s nice and kind and like? I’m happy talking to him. There are feelings involved too, I’m starting to like him. When he messages me just? I feel wanted again, like I make his day better by being in it. Not like a third wheel. Helps that he’s also adorable, like jawline and cheekbones sharp enough to cut a man but the sweetest softest smile?” 

“You’re never a third wheel, Lance, we love you!” Clearly that was what Allura picked out. Not how they checked to be sure they were real or the fact that Shiro was a god on Earth.

“But I’m never anyone's first choice, I mean I was your rebound guy, I love you ‘Lura, but not like that. And I’m just to the side being left behind. I just want to be somebody's first pick. Just once, I want to be the first thing someone thinks of.”

Lance felt the dejection settle deep. This was normal this was his life. He was trying to deal with this in therapy but to little avail. He was accepting that Pidge but more so Hunk were drifting away from him, Allura was nice but he was finding it hard to run in their circles these days. 

He missed his friendship, he wanted to feel like he belonged once more. Something more to bring up in the next session, he thought to himself, he hated this he hated feeling like this. That he wasn't good enough. That he would never be good enough. 

“Lance, maybe, maybe this is only temporary. What happens this passes over what then?” 

Allura meant well but Lance knew his mind was going into overdrive. He had been facing this. He had talked about Shiro to his therapist and they had thought it was good. That their friendship was good. Lance didn’t want the feelings of angst to simmer inside of him, but did as he got on with the end of his shift. He answered anything that was directed to him and put on his best face but it didn't feel enough. It never did. 

**MartinsLeftDiodes** Hey Lance! I, um well, I was wondering. Did you have fb?  
**MartinsLeftDiodes** Just, I really like talking and ya know, just? I really want to get to know you better.  
**MartinsLeftDiodes** You're you and you're just? You make my day by being in it. You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. I just want to see more parts to you that I already do.  
**MartinsLeftDiodes** Gods that sounded creepy. Just yeah. I want to know you more than I already do. You mean a lot to me Lance, more than you’ll ever know….

 **GreatHolyZarquon** sent a link.  
**GreatHolyZarquon** here I am. It's nothing special but yeah. 

Takashi Shirogane (Shiro) has sent a friend request

Request accepted. Message Shiro?

Lance: hey 

He didn't know id this was a good idea but seeing it there. Shiro’s face, Shiro’s face with the lighting perfect and smiling and happy. Sure they had sent pics of each other but they were ones that had done as selfies. This was taken when he wasn't looking, mid laugh and eyes full of joy. Hells, if he hadn't had a small crush before now, he really did. Shiro’s looks matched his personality and he knew he would never be enough. Shiro had never mentioned a partner but it was very unlikely he hadn't had someone by his side. 

Lance would never be anyone’s first choice. It was all he wanted at this point. To be wanted. Something no amount of therapy or dealing with his feelings would get rid of. The small ache in his chest that would always be there. The failed relationships and friendships that drifted apart no matter how long or short they had lasted. The feeling that there was something wrong, so wrong with him inherently, that no one wanted him in their lives. 

He didn't bother looking at his phone when it vibrated in his pocket or when he put it on charge when he finally collapsed into his bed. That night he dreamed of arms around him and being snug. He dreamed of laughter in the mornings while hands stroked his cheek, ruffled his hair and turned his face to meet ghostly lips. Barely there and so real Lance could have sworn it was real. But Lance knew this was a dream and he’d have to wake up soon. Reality was never this kind or good.

Waking up was arguably worse. The feeling of loneliness and emptiness filled him. He shuffled into the kitchen and made some tea. It had been months since Shiro had tagged himself into Lance’s life and one of the few things he had left in them that weren’t tainted by his own insecurities. Yet here he was. Hating himself because somebody had foolishly decided to talk back. 

It had taken four months, though Lance thought he should have been glad it had lasted this long. In three more months, he would be free of uni. Three months then he didn't know what he was going to do with his life. He had a job to go into when he graduated from his internship. Something he really did enjoy, but beyond that? 

His Facebook feed was full of his friends, either fully graduated, married, or even having kids. He was here, not even one thing he was truly proud of. 

Damn he needed to get himself out of this rut. It wasn't good for him and he may need to bring his therapy appointment forward if it got worse. 

He should have gone to the library, he should have been studying. But assignments were finished or on the way there. He could have a few hours to himself to feel right again. He grabbed his phone and iPod and stuffed them in his pocket along with his keys.

The bus trundled along and he felt somewhat at peace. He hadn't looked at his phone and music was playing softly in his ear. Chopin’s nocturnes calmed him in a way few songs could. It was melancholic but was comforting. Sad but in a way that understood the pain and embraced it. It was music that was played in the dark, unseen and forever alone. Accepted it but thrived in it, let the dark become them and Lance let himself become part of the background. 

He got off at the last stop on Portobello beach. Everything was covered with layers of sand but Lance looked on as the waves lapped at the sand as he sat on the wall to the beach itself. Only then did he finally look at his phone. 

Shiro liked 45+ photos.

Shiro commented on 13 posts and photos. 

Shiro sent you 5+ messages

Shiro: Hey yourself! Hope work went well and your studies too!  
Shiro: Lance? You still there?  
Shiro: You’re probably asleep, not that I blame you it is late.  
Shiro: Morning!! Hope you have a great day, you deserve it.  
Shiro: Hey, I never really explained what I do fully, did I? Well I run a small book shop with a cafe attached as you know, and well. It’s independant, not part of waterstones or whatever and well? I need help. I’m trying to do a display on LGBT+ lit. I um got a bit stuck as I don’t want to got too cliche, you don't have any idea what to include do you?  
Shiro: I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable…

Lance felt his heart hope. LGBT?

Lance: I’m nowhere near uncomfortable! I’m bi myself!! Like what angle you going for? More unknown and foreign ones? Or the waaay over done ones like Simon vs. ? Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I just got stuck in my head. Insecurities you know?  
Lance: you put on a face but no one inside see’s how much you’re hurting and keep going till its too much. For me it's being shoved to the side and being unwanted and well I’ve accepted it now. I’m not going to look for whatever I’m meant to have or be, or wait for it. The universe obviously doesn't have it in store for me. But the beach is nice and it's good to be away from everything I guess. 

He took a pic of a particularly aggressive seagull fighting a crab over a dead fish that was in front of him and sent it to Shiro. What he did not expect was the flurry of messages that was sent his way. 

Shiro: First of all, you are amazing and wonderful and made my life so much better by being in it. You have made me smile and laugh  
Shiro: You are deserving of love and will get it, you will have someone who would travel the universe to be with you. I know it  
Shiro: Secondly. IS THAT PHOTO REAL?!?!?!?!?!

Lance was gobsmacked but proceed to record a short video of the seagull which was still fighting the crab, and was laughing his head of the whole time. He had no regrets in sending it at all.

Shiro: Lance? Holy shirt balls, your laugh. I love it. 

Lance felt the heat bloom on his cheeks as he reread that sentence over and over. His heart was doing a little jig and he wanted, oh how he wanted, it to be genuine interest. His brain knew better, but his heart carried on nevertheless.

Shiro: Also know that you are amazing, everything you’ve shown me has proved it. Anyone who doesn't see that is an idiot. 

Lance knew he was falling, and falling hard. He would never, ever tell though, preferring to cradle it in his heart and let it disappear. Lance was never that lucky, never had been and never would be.  
Lance: thanks, I needed that. I just. I don't know. You know I’m in therapy right? CBT and all that jazz, today has been a bad day. I don't know anymore, it’s just a really bad day.

Shiro: You were there for me and I’m here for you.  
Shiro: I’m here if you need an ear. 

Lance absolutely needed an ear. He rapidly typed his feelings sending them and grateful that Shiro didn't reply as he was going. He let out every bit of emotion apart from the one little feeling. The one that described how he felt for a name on a screen he had never even met in person. When he was finished, the small little dots floated on the screen. 

Shiro: Lance, you don't deserve this. You're my friend and a good one at that. Your company has done so much for me and I wouldn’t let this just fizzle out. Some people become friends instantly and that's us, I feel. I don't want to imagine a world without you in it in some shape or form.  
Shiro: Can you take the rest of the day off? I’m here, I may not be able to reply straight away but I'm here.  
Shiro: If it's not too much trouble, can we video chat tonight? I want to know you're ok, plus I really want to know what you sound like.  
Shiro: sent a gif.

Lance could feel his face burning and was so glad he could blame it on the wind that was starting to pick up. Waves beat the sand as they cascaded onto the beach. It was probably a good time to leave the beachfront. His favourite chippy was only a five minute walk away anyway. 

Lance felt lighter, lighter than he had done in months. He didn't even bat an eyelid as he sat down with the battered fish and chips that were doused in salt and vinegar. Despite spending some of his formative years in the US, he had come to love proper chips, not the shitty things they had had in the McDonalds near his family home. Fat rectangular chunks of potato that were fried of and accompanied by a fried battered fish. It was what his stomach and heart had been craving. But maybe it was the feeling that he had a friend who had listened and not run away. 

Someone who had listened and not seen Lance, a broken fifth year who despite getting firsts on everything, didn't have much to say about himself. How he had changed from the loud flirty first year; to someone who was just surviving, begging for something nice to come his way. For it to stay. Not to be a fleeting moment Lance treasured when the pain got to much to bear. Not something that seemed too good to be true and ultimately was, like he was worth something more to the people around him. That this broken shell of a person was enough, more than enough even. 

Lance knew he’d never have Pidge and Hunk back the way they had all those years ago. They had moved on without him and well, he would have to be ok with that, it just hurt that there was nothing he could have done to stop it. But it hasn't stopped him from trying. He loved them, but hey, you have to let go the things you love. They would be happier without him anyway. 

Yeah, work wasn't going to get done today. Though for the first time in years, he was actually fully looking forward to something and no amount of anxiety or shit was going to stop him from getting to see Shiro. 

He changed his music to something a bit more upbeat, a change from the nocturnes that had been on repeat for the last two hours at least. He felt slightly happier and was able to enjoy the view more. The wind roared around him as the smell of salt and sand engulfed him. Maybe, just maybe he could get through this, and in a way he wanted. 

However, he probably should look at those pesky feelings he had developed for a certain someone. Maybe looking at those High school photos of Shiro would help quench those feelings. But alas, Lance found out, he wasn't even awkward in a way that was embarrassing. It was adorable. Yep, Lance was sure he was gone.

But he at least had something to keep going for again, especially when he received an email from his potential new work when he stepped back into the flat door. 

_Mr McClain._

_We would be honoured for you to join us in the September of this year as part of our observatory into research that your dissertation was based on. We would love to have you as part of our team and if it would be agreeable to you, we would want you to do some workshops with the children on the weekends._

_There is also the chance for promotions and if it is something you would want to pursue, sponsorship for a PhD. We, as a collective, loved having you as our intern over the summer and we would like to see what you can accomplish._

_All the best,_

_Atlas Observatory and Research facility._

Lance was practically vibrating. They wanted him enough to send him that, and damn he would be a fool to turn it down. He would get to work a good job and be able to share what he learned to people who were just as fascinated with the skies as he was. 

He couldn't stop smiling while he cooked his dinner that evening or the excited screaming about a job over a video chat to his family. They were all happy for him and maybe thing were looking up for him. He was even planning on how to promote himself back up to customer too.

In the evening, after a day off Lance utterly needed and deserved, his phone started to vibrate and Shiro’s photo appeared with the offer to video chat. He accepted and placed his phone on one of the prototype stands Hunk had made that charged phones as they were held. 

“Hey,” came a deep voice that could only have been Shiro’s with a smile that killed Lance. Stone dead. Here lies Lance, died from a cute guy smiling in a way that was illegal. 

“Hey you too,” he replied, he was so nervous but still buzzing from the good news. Shiro was dressed in a tee and and jeans and was surrounded by books?

“Are you still in the bookshop? Did you even go home, Shiro?” 

“I live above it with my friend, we run the shop together, there's just better tea down here. He’s a coffee addict and he may have burnt the last of the coffee beans. It's not a pretty sight.” Shiro shook his head while laughing and it was making Lance squeal internally. 

“You seen happier at least,”

“You know that was mostly you right? I’ve moved an appointment to be closer to this side of the week than the next. You helped me so much,” Lance couldn’t take his eyes off the screen, the way Shiro leaned in as he talked or the way Shiro looked at him like he was the only person in the universe. “And I got an email from where I will start working soon. They accepted me! I'm doing workshops and research at Atlas! You know the observatory I interned in!”

Shiro sent him a soft smile and relaxed further into the winged armchair he had sat in, taking a sip from the mug that was warming his hands. It wasn't fair on his heart. 

“I’m so proud of you, you worked for that. May I say something?” Lance nodded, preparing himself for whatever sad thing came next, “People drift, that doesn't mean they still aren't your friends, they just fill a different niche. It happens, it's just how we deal with it. There are friends who you don't talk to for a long time but you pick it back up like its nothing. 

“They're friends who will stand by you even if there's some distance. Then there are others who will flake at the first opportunity. Your friends seem like the former. Come the end of finals, it will be fine. May not be the same but it can and will be even better. Other just drift and become good memories, a testament to who you were then and how you have grown.”

“Where does that put me then?” He asked nervously, sure he had a goodish mood but there was the nagging voice he was trying so hard to overcome. 

“Hopefully in a third option. Ones that never shut up and are there? I don’t want to force that on you, it’s a constant choice. There are many ways to be there but, there’s nothing I wouldn't do to give you a hug right now.”

 _Youre doing a lot to my poor bi Heart shiro, you can't be that sweet and kind and like me that way. I'm not that lucky_ Lance thought to himself. He wasn't going to ruin it. Not like this. 

“You’d be surprised then?” Shiro said hesitantly, Lance felt the blood drain from his face and buried his head in his knees. 

“I said that aloud didn't I?” 

“Yes. Is that how you really feel. You like me?” Shiro was tentative, hopeful even. Lance just nodded and allowed his heart and mind to prepare for the worst. 

“I feel the same, earlier today was breaking my heart. Knowing you were in pain and not being able to do much and give you the love you deserve and that I so want to give you.” There was the rustle of a duvet cover as Shiro moved closer to the camera so his face took up most of Lance’s screen. 

“When we finally meet, I’m never letting go.” 

They had been talking a while, going on six months and they both had feelings for each other. Lance never had anything this good in his life since he left his family. He didn't know if something like this would happen again, but he wouldn't let this go. He wouldn't let Shiro go unless Shiro wanted to. 

“Good thing then, that I wouldn't either,” Lance replied and couldn't help the blush rise up his cheeks. He stole a peek at his screen and saw that Shiro looked as shocked as he felt. His mind brought up instances of everything that could go wrong or Shiro not staying faithful or just the hell it could cause, and so close to exams?

But as Shiro, and many others had said; he deserved to be happy. And that happy was an ongoing saga that may or may not hold true. But that was life and maybe, he found something he found he could believe in when he couldnt believe in himself in those lowest of lows. 

“As soon as my exams are done, I’m gonna hug the shit out of you.” Probably not the most romantic thing he had ever said in his life but it made Shiro smile all the same. 

“I’d love nothing more than that,” he spoke and then it looked like an idea had struck gold, “I know what to do for the LGBT display now!” he started going around his room dumping books on the bed. Lance could just about make out the titles and was glad to see it wasn’t all gay fiction. It was the whole shebang. Shiro had not been wrong when he was making it LGBT. he couldn't restrain his laughter as more and more books were being stacked and Shiro bounced ideas round his house and yelled at a Keith to get the well loved books to display. Hell, some weren't even in English and had the slowest of slow burns that ever slow burned, according to a very enthusiastic Shiro. Lance felt his heart do flips as he watched Shiro in his element. 

When the person named Keith collected the books, Shiro sat by his screen again and looked at Lance or well, the screen, a small smile ghosting his face and yep, Lance was gone. Beyond the point of no return. No coming back. Just maybe this is what the world was waiting to give him. Lance hoped it would last because Shiro being in his life for a short amount of time, had made a Shiro shaped snug in his heart. One Lance wasn’t prepared to give up any time soon.

The conversation changed and they didn't really discuss their attraction to each other. It just naturally evolved. Talking to Shiro was the easiest thing in the universe, always had been. If anything, it was even easier. 

It didn't stop at one video chat. There were little chats to give Lance a break from his revision and good luck messages before exams. Hyping Shiro up for one of his days in the book shop or little messages on the days he needed to go to the hospital visits. Both reassuring each other about their insecurities, just being there for each other. Discussing plans of when to visit, what they would do and just being able to see each other in the flesh. 

“I wanna see you one day. Soon too. I need out of this city for a while, I love my bookshop but I need a break. I’ve deserved it right?” Shiro asked, his face resigned to the fact that he hadn't had a proper day off in way too long. 

“Come up soon then, Keith can run the shop on his own for a couple of days, right? Stay with me for a while. Get out of the city and just chill.” 

“Fuck it, booking the tickets now. You're done with exams now aren't you hun? And your job doesn't start till September?” Lance nodded also, Hun? That was new and it felt so right. “Good. How does next Monday sound?”

“Perfect!” 

Lance would soon see Shiro. He couldn't wait. Shiro sent him a screenshot of the times he would be arriving and departing. Maybe it was time he changed the sheets again. When had he last changed them? One quick sniff told him all he needed to know and did a full clean for the first time in too long. Studying sucked but dancing around the house cleaning wasn't the worst way to spend the first week of freedom. Shiro was coming soon after all. 

In the meantime, they talked even went on a pseudo date, eating dinner together, cooking together, admittedly they were over a video calls with many miles between them, but it could have been a date. Maybe. It should have been.

Nothing was stopping Lance from talking to Shiro, and Shiro had been right, Hunk and Pidge were still his best friends despite the time away from each other, they just now had the time to hang together again when they could. Nothing had changed, and if anything they were having more fun than they ever had before. Life was going alright, and it would be better when Shiro came to see him.

 

Lance was patiently waiting at the station. He knew the train was on time. He knew Shiro was on it - he had sent a very cute selfie on it proving he was on his way - the first of two trains _will be there in an hour, can’t wait to finally see you in person!_ Shiro would be here in a matter of minutes. He thought he could see the train coming round the corner, he was near the platform and looking at the phone screen, seeing Shiro's smile and wink. He felt the familiar tug at his heart as he wanted something he didn't know if he could have. He hadn't noticed the train pull up, or how Shiro was through the ticket barriers and in the main station. He hadn't noticed the look Shiro had on his face as he found Lance leaning against one of the beams. Or that Shiro had walked to him. That he was _right there._

“Lance,” Lance’s breath was taken away as he looked up to a guy taller than him, with a white fluffy fringe and a fading scar across his nose. His eyes alight and in shock, seeing Lance in the flesh. 

Lance couldn't believe it. Shiro was finally here, in the flesh and he offered a hug. Words had failed him and he just went in for a hug. Lance felt the weights of the prosthetic arm and the flesh one and the warmth and the whole reality that Shiro was here, and he was in his arms.

“Hey,” He said meekly. Lance still couldn't believe it. Shiro was _here_ and he was here for a while too. Lance realised he hasn't smiled as much as he had in the last few minutes. “You wanna head off Shiro?”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to this. I’ve always wanted to see Scotland, and more importantly, you.”

Lance felt his thoughts short circuit as he led the way to the car he had borrowed of his friend. Shiro was here and next to him. They had just hugged, not messaging over their phones, they were in the same place. 

“Hey, I’ve been looking forward to this too, everything’s done and I have all the time in the world just for you. You wanna put your stuff in my car? Then we can explore a bit. There is one place I’ve been dying to take you, ” Lance rambled, he was just happy Shiro was there and well, he had a one track mind that was running a million miles an hour whilst still revolving around the celestial body that was Lance. 

Shiro nodded and they walked out of the station, Lance desperately wanted to take Shiro’s hand but they hadn't discussed anything, Lance wasn't going to be that person, Shiro meant too much. He just hoped they could talk in person about what they would be. If they wanted to be what he hoped they could. 

Lance shook himself out of his mind and helped Shiro put the suitcase in the boot of his car. 

“So, where first?” Shiro asked, almost bouncing on the balls of his feet, eager to go anywhere with Lance, because he was here with Lance, at long long last. 

“Princes street? Almost a mile of shops and the occasional bagpiper who either sounds like a dying pigeon or barely tolerable when it’s not on its own and without drums and a fiddle.” 

Shiro’s laugh was even better in person. It was full and he had to lean on Lance a bit to keep his balance. 

“Sounds like a plan, like I’m a bit hungry but not enough to attack an innocent bagpipe. Whatever we do will be great because I’m with you.” Lance felt a hand slip into his and given a squeeze and it didn't leave. They walked in silence but kept exchanging soft looks and smiles. It was one of those silences where everything was good and nothing needed to be said. That they were content and holding hands and that was more than enough. 

The pair ducked into shops and spent an inordinate amount of time and money in the Lush Spa and were planning an evening in - spa night and movies but what of it? - and other things. Lance steered Shiro away from the tourist shops that sold the same tartan and shortbread over and over again. 

“You can get better and cheaper elsewhere, plus it’s actually made in Scotland!” 

“OOOOOH YOU HAVE TO GO TO THIS WATERSTONES AND THE TEAS? THEY'RE TO DIE FOR!”

“Bet my shop is better, it may be, but this is different.” They may or may not have spent hours on end in that bookshop and the cafe. It overlooked the gardens and the Prince’s Street Gardens. They laughed and talked about anything and everything. Shiro’s shop, stories of Keith when he was younger and the mischief they did when they were younger. Lance couldn't stop looking into Shiro’s eyes and well, yep, no one would ever be able to be someone as close to him as Shiro was for a good time. If ever. But they hadn't said what they were; if they wanted to be a something. 

They made their way to the gardens soon after finishing their tea and cake, mostly to tide over Shiro’s hanger, and walked around. Shiro wanted photos of him with the castle behind him, and Lance couldn't deny him. There were sweet poses, funny ones and then,

“Lance! I can’t have one without you at least!” 

Lance hauled their stuff over and smiled at the camera, Shiro was close and gave his blinding smile, and then another. Then, on the third one, Shiro turned to Lance and kissed his cheek. The phone camera went off just as Shiro pulled away, a slight smile on his lips and Lance blushing deeply, eyes wide and a look of surprise on his face.  


 

“You deserve all the happiness and I want to be by your side and see it, be part of the cause for that happiness. You saw me as somebody, based on who I was before seeing anything, including the arm and the scars. I want to be yours. 

“You're the best thing in my life and despite the distance, we can make it work maybe? It's your choice and I don't want to pressure you, but I at least want to try. Try and never wonder what could have been.” 

Lance was dumbstruck. He was gonna bring up at some point but he hadn't in a million years thought that it would happen like this, that he was the one who was taken care of, who was wooed. That he was the one who had a choice for once. He was someone’s choice despite many the many times that had passed for Shiro to use as a get out of jail free card. 

“Shiro,” Lance breathed, he could barely form words but his smile was too big to contain. The happiness was overwhelming and the nerves had vanished in an instant. Distance hadn't stopped him from falling in love at the start. 

Love? Lance didn't know yet but he knew that with time it is very much a given. Lance’s brain decided that actions spoke louder than words. He brought one hand to cup Shiro’s face and stood on tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on Shiro’s lips. Once, twice, and on the third, Shiro chuckled and more than kissed back. Finger tangled up in his hair and smiles and close proximity and oh, this was what he had been missing. Lance knew a relationship wouldn't fix everything bad in his life, but damn it wasn't going to stop him falling in love as much as he could. Lance would give Shiro his heart and much more if he asked. For the first time in any of his relationships, he felt loved, wanted and worthy of that love. No pretences or charades, just two people who had fallen for each other. 

“Wanna head back to mine?” 

“Yeah, we can always come back here again, especially as I have a very good reason to come back.” Shiro caressed Lance’s cheek and held his hand with the other. Lance felt happy indeed. 

Spa night went well, cuddled up on the sofa, whereas they would have been at the ends, they were in the middle leaning on each other. Laughing and crying at the movies they were playing as they spent time with each other and took the time to learn each other in the flesh rather than a username or a picture on a screen. It wasn't even sexual, just finally being able to touch each other. Workout if Lance’s skin was as soft as he boasted, seeing if Shiro’s hair really did defy gravity with how floofy it was. Working how they fit together best when they cuddled, or what was the best angle to kiss at where Shiro didn't get pain in his neck or Lance standing on his toes for too long. But most of all they were there together. 

And maybe that Saffie was just as enamored with Shiro as her owner was, and that he was week to her pleading eyes much to Lance’s amusement. Maybe Lance could actually breathe without cat butt in his face for a bit. 

They headed to North Berwick to spend a day by the sea, being attacked by seagulls and walking on the beach and the coastline. They had the sense to bring walking boots and flip flops and they enjoyed the wind that made their hair a mess. They loved the small town that grew from the beachfront. They even went on a boat over to the rocks that were covered in ganets, guillemots, cormorants and puffins as well as other seabirds. Lance dragged Shiro into the Sea Bird centre that Shiro secretly fell in love with because of how much Lance loved it. Lance treated Shiro to what a proper chippy should be, not the poncy stuff he had in the city. It only mattered if it was by the seaside with the taste of sea salt in the air and the idea that the sea was only a few steps away. They paddled in the sea and definitely don't start a water fight, or kissed in the surf as the waves lapped at their legs. 

Some of their week was spent being lazy; even if Saffie demanded attention from time to time. Lucky for her, both men adored her and were easily persuaded. There were lazy mornings in bed followed by lazy afternoons on the sofa. Lazy evening where they watched the city run around them but too lost in each other to care. What made the other smile. Any hard no gos for conversations or topics or in Shiro's case, Lance learnt that Shiro could make a brilliant tea but little else. But it didn't stop them from sharing the leftover brownie mix or Shiro providing conversation as Lance cooked and provided cooking lessons so at least Shiro wouldn't need Keith to cook anything more complicated than a simple pasta dish. 

When it was time to say goodbye, Lance swore he didn't have tears in his eyes just a large stick or maybe a log. Having Shiro there was too good. Addictive even. Lance was addicted to Shiro and wasn't even ashamed about it. Shiro was one of the best people he had in his life and he would never let go without a fight. He watched Shiro board the train home but his phone lit up as Shiro sent him messages. 

Takashi changed your nickname to Sweetheart ❤  
Takashi sent a message  
Takashi sent you a gif  
Takashi sent you a gif  
Takashi sent you a sticker.

Distance or not his boyfriend wanted him, and he was facing down the start of a long happy future. 

 

Darling oh love of mine: hun. I maaaaaaay have found some kittens and I couldn't leave them. We now have children.  
Sent 12 images  
Darling of mine of mine: This is how i die. Kitten overload. Saffie is gonna love them  
From outer space: I love my new children and accept them as my kitten overlords. You got everything down there?  
Darling oh live of mine: Yep already to go. Maybe when I move up the new book shop can also be a kitten cafe?  
From outer space: More cats? Yes. All the katzenkinder. 

 

In Edinburgh, there is a small, but popular bookshop, full of life and love and a clowder of cats that are too adorable to ignore. After a blogger or fifty raved about it, it got even more popular, especially the first one run by an adopted sibling who had fallen for a best friend. (They added a pastry section and it was a fight to close up most days.) Two men sit in the cafe and look out to what they have, jobs they love and among the people who matter most, and a discussing a new resident for their house above the shop in the old town. Planning trips to Cuba and Japan as well as other cities and new places to explore.

Life had been tough but they for each other and when it came to the wire, they were husbands and lovers first and fathers too many cats. As longs as they were together, they could do anything. Be anything. But there was nothing better than being the one thing the other loved most in the world.


	2. One of the Moments Shiro Fell

Using his phone while luxuriating in a bath with a lush bath bomb wasn’t Shiro’s best idea ever. Not by a long shot. But needs must and he could stop talking to Lance, he was smitten and he couldn’t even deny it. He smiled every time a notification came up, he failed to hide snorts of laughter because Lance had said something so innocent but yet so damn funny. Shiro had his phone on him now at all times, just waiting for it to buzz softly, alerting him that Lance had replied. Yeah, Keith was probably right about ribbing him with how smitten he truly was, it probably was gross to watch. But oh well, he was happy. Lance made him happy. He could only wish that he made Lance as happy, if not more. 

It had hurt Shiro to learn how little Lance thought of himself, and though he had seen the progress he had made. Shiro was proud, prouder than what he would have been if Lance was an ordinary friend. Lance had come into his life and lit it up, he came in with so much understanding and care and tentative friendship. Friendship that grew and grew into a crush. Shiro didn’t want to deny it, though he hadn’t even wanted to say anything lest he scares Lance away. 

But Lance had called him lovely, that he did things to Lance’s heart. Shiro wanted to make it work and he couldn’t wait for the day after the next, he would be on a train up to see Lance, and maybe he would come back with an excuse to go to Scotland more often. Or, have a certain guest over on a regular basis. Shiro could hope, right?

He lay his phone on the towel next to the bath and allowed the heat of the water to seep into his bones. The point where his arm was amputated tingled a bit and thought it best to not wear the prosthetic tomorrow. He was only packing and running the till the next day, all of which he could do one handed. Lance knew more or less everything and he knew Lance had no judgement on it, even went as far as asking questions about care and upkeep. Shiro was touched beyond belief, most people saw it and ran, or worse, babied him, ignoring he had a good five years of experience with it, plus the year of rehab. 

He closed his eyes as his phone went silent after his last message and let the smell of lavender and tonka bean engulf him. He wondered how Lance would feel in his arms or pressed against him. What his hair would smell like and if it was as soft to the touch as it looked. What it might feel like to see Lance in the flesh and answer his questions. Like whether or not they could even be a thing. A couple even.

He was stirred from his reverie by Kosmo scratching and gently whining. Probably because Keith needed the loo or whatever. He toweled off and slipped into his pjs and looked at his phone. Lance had sent an image, him smiling. All joy and literally sunshine despite thee sunset in the background. Fondness came from nowhere and hit him like a freight train. 

“Stop mooning and start packing you idiot!” Keith yelled from his room as Kosmo landed in his lap. The dog seemed to forget he was no longer a puppy and never was a lapdog; but still acted like it. Kosmo was intelligent yet daft and the cause of a lot of mischief in their flat, but a firm favourite of anyone who met him. He made Keith happier than Shiro had seen him in years. Keith deserved that happiness, Shiro thought to himself, maybe I could have some too. 

The next day dragged, all he could think of was Lance, told him too. The key smash reply was worth it alone. He couldn’t sleep that night either. 

Getting on the train proved a bit tricky but he was on the way to Lance. He was kind of planning what to do, what to say but decided that whatever was best in the moment was the way to go. So as the train pulled in and everyone piled off, he made it past the ticket barriers and there was Lance. Looking down at his phone with the softest, kindest smile he had ever seen. Lance was there and he couldn’t believe it. 

One step, two steps a couple more and he was there. Lance was there and his name was uttered with reverence; like it was the prayer of a man who had lost so much but had even more to gain. Maybe because that was a little bit true. They hugged and Shiro couldn’t believe this was real. He wanted to bundle Lance up and never let go; place a hand on the small of his back and the other in his hair and never let go. Maybe there would be time for that or there wouldn’t, but like hell, he would give up the chance to see the city with his own personal tour guide.


End file.
